ADHD Moms

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ADHD Moms: Have you recognized symptoms of ADHD in any of your students?

Deborah Phelps: As the instructional leader of Windsor Mill Middle School in Baltimore and throughout the decades in which I served as a classroom teacher, I’ve recognized symptoms of ADHD in my students. As I circulate in and out of our TLZs (teaching and learning zones), I’ve observed students who can't sit still, and who are looking everywhere else other than at the teacher. I’ve also observed students who have a hard time understanding that writing two sentences is not a paragraph and are unable to organize their thoughts legibly on their paper.

ADHD Moms: How did you address to parents that their child may be showing symptoms of ADHD?

When addressing my observations with parents, there’s a very fine line which I must walk. When I dialogue with parents, I wear many hats – I speak with the hat of an administrator, being politically sound and not crossing lines which might be upsetting, but I also ask them if we can dialogue "parent to parent." If they want to talk to me as a parent, I take off my administrator’s hat and speak to them as a mom who has experienced within my own home a child who was diagnosed with ADHD. I often refer to Michael's book that was published after the 2004 Olympic Games, in which he shared the experiences that he had in school. I ask the parents to be reflective about my comments, letting them know that I’m here to assist and provide support. But in our conversation I always recommend that they speak to their children’s healthcare professional for assistance and guidance. It’s the healthcare professional who can provide the specific counsel and individual treatment options that will be best for each individual child.

ADHD Moms: How did the parents react when you raised the idea that their child may exhibit ADHD symptoms?

Generally, the parents and guardians are appreciative that I have concern for their children. Before the conversation is over, I again stress the importance in researching and understanding ADHD and the importance of reaching out to their healthcare professional and exploring the collaborative options that may be available with their teachers, allowing everyone to work together for the betterment of their children.

ADHD Moms: Have you provided parents with tips to help their child diagnosed with ADHD succeed academically, or otherwise? What were they? How did the parents react?

Deborah Phelps: There is a consistent communication that is needed between the home and school – and yes, when I am asked and it is applicable, I do provide tips to my parents and guardians to assist their children diagnosed with ADHD. Academic success is the key for students in order for them to, later in their lives, be productive citizens.

Some of the tips include but are limited to the following:

• Organization is Important - Assist your child with being organized by teaching them different techniques. Many students need to be taught how to organize their notebooks, classwork, notes and test-taking information in order for them to study and complete assignments. Provide an agenda book or assignment book in which they record homework and tests. Develop a system at home, such as file folders in a box, in which students can place their schoolwork by subject areas, allowing you the parent to be able to assist with their academic success. Teach students to be list makers, assisting them to prioritize the list in order to be successful.
• Use Technology - Students with ADHD need "hands-on" learning and there’s no better way to do this than with the use of a computer and other devices. They are fun to use and eliminate handwriting assignments which can be very difficult and discouraging for the student with ADHD. Computers are an organizational tool in which students can take notes and complete assignments. They help eliminate overstuffed binders or notebooks in which paperwork gets lost and is often never found.
• Select a Study Area that is QUIET - Students with ADHD are easily distracted; therefore, it is important to select an area in the home in which your child can concentrate and focus on learning. Sometimes quiet music, soft sounds or a sound soother can be relaxing.
• Get Sleep - Being tired causes anyone to be easily distracted and unable to concentrate, but a student with ADHD has even more difficulty. An adequate sleep pattern is important to academic success. Everyone should be sleeping at least 6 to 8 hours every night.
• Set Aside Break Time - Try to schedule breaks from working in order to allow your child’s mind to regroup so that he/she is able to refocus. Set a time frame on the break, creating structure. During this time he/she might go to the restroom, fix a snack or get something to drink.
• Routines and Being Consistent - Providing a routine and being consistent is good for the student’s body and mind. Even starting the day with a routine, we have found very helpful. Routine trains your mind in order accomplish a task with success.
• Treatment – If your child’s healthcare professional has prescribed medication or suggested behavioral modifications as part of an overall treatment plan, it’s important to be vigilant about staying on track with the plan and staying in touch with your child’s healthcare professional throughout the treatment plan.

ADHD Moms: How did you prepare for parent-teacher conferences when Michael was a student?

Deborah Phelps: In preparing for parent-teacher conferences as a parent, I made sure that I brought with me to the meeting the information that had been brought home by Michael from the school. It might be student work samples such as classwork, quizzes and tests, interims/progress reports and/or report cards. I made sure that I reviewed the paperwork and that I took along with me the questions in writing to help provide additional clarity and understanding as to what needed to be addressed.

ADHD Moms: What should parents of children with ADHD do year-round to avoid nervousness around parent-teacher conference time?

Deborah Phelps: It is important that the entire staff communicate early and regularly throughout the school year with parents. This begins from the summer months and throughout the entire year. Communications could include welcome letters, postcards, e-mails and phone calls home, school and school system calendars, refrigerator magnets with important/relevant information, monthly and quarterly newsletters from the interdisciplinary teams and/or school, availability of conferencing, open-door policy allowing parents and guardians to visit the school when it is convenient to them, dropping by throughout the days. Our parents and guardians are vital to the success of each and every school; therefore, inviting them to volunteer, become a member of the Parent Teacher Student Association (PTSA) and even, when possible, having them serve as a substitute within the school are only a few ideas to bridge the gap between the home and the school.

ADHD Moms: Did Michael’s teachers ever point to any surprising and helpful strategies for improving his academic performance or helping manage his ADHD symptoms?

Deborah Phelps: One of the many strategies that assisted Michael in school was in the transition, which is often a very difficult one, from elementary to middle school. It was recommended Michael be placed in a smaller interdisciplinary team. This allowed him to be with a smaller teaching team with fewer students in the classrooms. The size allowed him to not be overwhelmed with multiple layers of teachers in which he had to become familiar throughout the day, weeks and school year, as well as fewer distractions within the classroom, due to fewer students.

Due to the fact that his handwriting was very small, making it difficult to read and to grade, using computers was a strategy that helped him tremendously.

Preferential seating allowed him to sit relaxed and comfortable in classrooms, allowing him to stand up if needed to stretch his legs or to leave the classroom easily to take a break and get a drink of water. It seemed as if he were steadily growing, sometimes at a rapid pace.

TIME, PATIENCE and CONSISTENCY is needed by all each and every day. These three components are sometimes very difficult.

ADHD Moms wishes all parents and teachers a productive and valuable conference and report card season and encourages parents of children with ADHD to discuss academic challenges with your healthcare professional, as well as your child's educator. Both are important members of your child's ADHD management team.

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ADHD Moms: An ADHD diagnosis can bring about many emotions for parents. What was your reaction to the diagnosis of ADHD in your children?

Dr. Hallowell: All three of my children have ADHD. They are now ages 19, 16 and 13. My reaction was, “Hooray!” But my reaction is not typical. That’s because I’m an expert in the field and I have ADHD myself. I know that it is as much a marker of talent as it is a potential problem, and I know the problems can be taken care of. I am thrilled my kids can think outside the box, are intuitive, persistent and creative, have a “special something about them.”

ADHD Moms: That does sound like a somewhat unique reaction, and it’s very interesting to hear your insight on why you felt that way and how it helped you support your children. Did your reaction differ from your wife's reaction?

Dr. Hallowell: My wife, being married to me, also understands ADHD, but, being a mom, she was also a bit afraid, especially with our first child. Would things REALLY work out all right? Did I REALLY know what I was talking about when I said this could be a blessing, not a curse? The years have proved me right, but at the beginning, my wife was more apprehensive than I was. One of the reasons my kids are doing well is because my wife provided the love and structure that they needed. She always has faith in the positive, even when she is dealing with problems and conflicts. She never gives up. This is what these kids need more than anything else…love that never gives up.

ADHD Moms: In your career as a psychiatrist, have you seen different reactions to a child's diagnosis between a mother and father in your own patients’ families?

Dr. Hallowell: It is usually the mother who seeks help. Usually the dad denies there is a problem or says, “He’ll grow out of it.” Often these dads have ADHD themselves, and state that since they made it, so can their child. I have some interesting conversations with these dads. They usually come around, and often get their own ADHD diagnosed and treated, too. But it takes some time. My main effort is to respect their point of view, give them some facts they are not aware of, and then let their love for the child carry the day.

ADHD Moms: That’s such an important message for dads, and for moms of children with ADHD. Did you and your wife take on different roles helping your children cope with and manage their symptoms of ADHD?

Dr. Hallowell: We each did what we were best at. My wife, Sue, is a master of structure, organization and making sure each child went off to school fully clothed, book bag in hand, with a good breakfast in the belly. I am more the fun-maker, the new idea generator, the soft touch. This sometimes led my wife rightly to resent that she had to be the “heavy” and I got off easy being the fairy-god-father. But we worked this out with discussions and my attempting to follow her lead and not undermine her efforts to create order. It is also my observation as a professional that there is usually one parent, more often the mom than the dad, who takes on the role my wife does in our family.

ADHD Moms: Balance like that is important in any family, but you make a great point about how critical balance is for families of children with ADHD. Are there certain roles and responsibilities that you typically see the mother take on as opposed to the father in managing a child's ADHD? If so, what are some examples?

Dr. Hallowell: This varies from family to family. As a general rule, I advise parents to do what they are best at. Let the best organizer tend to organization and the best party maker make the parties. Let the best mathematician help with math homework, and the best ball player play catch. There are many tasks that both can do equally well. The point here is to try to make sure those tasks are divided more or less equally. Finally, my most important single rule for parents is this: Enjoy your children. If you are doing that, you are doing it right, almost for sure.

ADHD Moms: That is a beautiful philosophy for common ground between ADHD dads and moms. How can parents make sure they are working with and not against each other to benefit their child with ADHD, especially when they disagree about what approaches/strategies are best?

Dr. Hallowell: This is a crucial issue. Often, families where there is ADHD, get into what I call “the big struggle.” Every morning and every evening, every weekend and every vacation devolves quickly into conflict, bickering, blaming and yelling, with doors slamming and sometimes physical violence. Obviously, this is not good. I strongly urge families to work with a good therapist to help break the struggle. You need a referee to make sure every voice gets heard and no one dominates. Then you need to set up structure, routines, contingency plans and safeguards to prevent the big struggle.

ADHD Moms: It’s clear what’s needed between dads and moms. But the same challenges face single moms and dads of children with ADHD. Do you have any tips for single parents?

Dr. Hallowell: Get help. Never worry alone. Join support groups. Tell trusted others about what you’re up against. Build a team. You cannot do it alone, nor should you try.

ADHD Moms: Are there specific activities that children and their fathers can engage in together to help reduce ADHD symptoms?

Dr. Hallowell: Have special time together. Having fun together greatly reduces the stress and anxiety that leads to many of the “bad” behaviors. You do not want to spend all your time in discipline, correction, advising and picking up messes. So, plan special time. Also, the more physical exercise the better. Go outdoors.

ADHD Moms: What are some of the most effective ways you've seen fathers contribute to managing their child's ADHD in your own practice?

Dr. Hallowell: Above all, love the child—the real child. Spend time with the child. Have fun together. Help the child make progress at a task that the child cares about that is challenging. This is what builds self-esteem, confidence and motivation which in turn create joy and success in life.

ADHD Moms: Dr. Hallowell, thank you for sharing your unique insight and truly heart-felt counsel on doing the best we can for our children with ADHD. We’re honored to have you as our first guest contributor.

McNeil PediatricsTM, Division of Ortho-McNeil-Janssen Pharmaceuticals, Inc, a leader in ADHD treatment for children and adolescents, sponsors the ADHD Moms community. The people at McNeil PediatricsTM recognize that parents of children with ADHD can feel quite isolated at times, and that hearing from other parents experiencing similar struggles can ease some of the anxiety and frustration that arise when a family member has ADHD.

We want to make this site as relevant and responsive to your needs as we can. To foster this goal, please take a moment to complete a short poll. We’ll use your input to develop monthly articles and special features, such as podcasts. As we begin summer vacation, we thought it would be an appropriate time to talk about medication vacations.

We hope you find that the ADHD Moms community offers the latest information and is a place for you to learn more about managing your child’s condition. We are truly glad you are here and hope you’ll become a fan of the ever-growing ADHD Moms online community.

*Dr. Quinn is a paid consultant and speaker for McNeil PediatricsTM. She provides content for the ADHD Moms community, shares insights into the issues of greatest concern to parents of children and adolescents with ADHD and discusses her personal story of raising children with ADHD.

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Debbie Phelps, Leader
As the mother of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, who was diagnosed with ADHD at age 9, I know that children with this condition can triumph over challenges and achieve success.

As a proud mother of three, grandmother of two and middle school principal, I am quite familiar with the environment in which children are being raised today. I believe that appropriate treatment, including behavioral therapy and medication, can benefit children and adolescents with ADHD.

I look forward to sharing my insights with you in the features and podcasts, so be sure to check the monthly updates on the page.

*Debbie Phelps is currently serving as a paid spokesperson for McNeil PediatricsTM. She provides content for the ADHD Moms community, shares insights into the issues of greatest concern to parents of children and adolescents with ADHD and discusses her personal story of raising a son with ADHD.

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I know firsthand about the challenges that develop when caring for a child with this condition. I also know how valuable I have found the advice and support from other parents in similar situations.

We’ve experienced many ups and downs caring for Richard. He was nearly expelled from school before receiving treatment for his condition but, ultimately, he received the proper treatment plan and graduated with honors. Today Richard still struggles with ADHD, and I remain committed to raising awareness of the condition.

*As a leader of the ADHD Moms community, Ana Romero provides site content, shares insight into the issues of greatest concern to parents of children and adolescents with ADHD and discusses her personal story of raising a child with ADHD.

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My 9-year-old son Jackson and I both have ADHD. After seeing how my son struggled both behaviorally and socially, I left a career in human resources to become a stay-at-home mom and now juggle family and social responsibilities with my ADHD awareness efforts. Through online forums and local support groups, I have become an outspoken advocate for raising awareness about ADHD and assisting other parents in similar situations. I feel a positive support system is vital in the treatment of ADHD, and encourage families to work together to minimize the impact this condition has on the entire household. ADHD has given me the gift of a compassionate, inquisitive, charismatic son with a wonderful imagination.

*As a leader of the ADHD Moms community, Laura Willingham provides site content, shares insight into the issues of greatest concern to parents of children and adolescents with ADHD and discusses her personal story of raising a child with ADHD.

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As a wife and mother of two, my family keeps me extremely busy. My 12-year-old son Jared was diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) in 2003 and, since that time, our world has become a roller-coaster ride. When enduring his aggressive behavior and daily meltdowns became too stressful, we decided the best approach for our son would be to homeschool him. This has brought on positive changes for him and our family.

I try to be honest about the way our son’s conditions impact my life. I find every day can be a challenge and a battle to survive mentally, physically and emotionally; however, we do survive – and lead happy lives – thanks to support from friends, others parents of children with ADHD and our son’s healthcare professional.

*As a leader of the ADHD Moms community, Debra Buck provides site content, shares insight into the issues of greatest concern to parents of children and adolescents with ADHD and discusses her personal story of raising a child with ADHD.

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